Joy, Even in Times Like This

Ordinarily, the last thing one wants to hear at a chamber music concert is a crying baby. But these are not ordinary times. 

The Seattle Chamber Music Festival pre-concert performance would last only a half-hour. It would take longer than that to walk to Benaroya Hall and back. Still, a crisp, sunny afternoon beckoned and I needed to get away from the news. Especially news from Minneapolis, where I was born.

“It is a daily discipline to choose how much of the world’s darkness we touch and why,” wrote Debra Hall in her poem, “The Wrapping Ceremony.” An excerpt from the poem has been on my refrigerator door ever since it was published by We’Moon in 2023. The print-out has become wrinkled and faded because I refer to it, well, daily.

“We could be incandescent with righteous rage every second of every hour. Our collective grief could raise the sea level overnight,” the poem continues. Then, a few verses later, she advises: “It is joy too we are here to spend.”

Her inclusion of the three-letter word “too” is most important to me. The poet doesn’t suggest we disregard and deny our grief and rage. We can also — we are required — to make room for joy. That is our human condition.

A fellow human was fatally shot on the streets of Minneapolis. I recognize the street names. They were streets I walked along at age ten. My parents considered it safe for me to take a bus downtown, unaccompanied, to Saturday morning piano lessons. 

That was then. This is now. Each day the news gets darker. Headline: “Minneapolis Man Killed by Federal Agents Was Holding a Phone, Not a Gun”

 It is a daily discipline … 

I closed my computer, donned a heavy jacket and headed for the concert hall. There were plenty of empty seats even though the concert that followed was sold out. Perhaps the pre-concert program was too weird for chamber music fans: a half-hour of improvisation by a cellist and percussionist. 

I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so captivated and comforted by music. I’d heard Efe Baltacigil, a native of Turkey and Seattle Symphony principal cellist, play on other occasions. I knew he’d be good. Mari Yoshinaga, a Japanese native with a master’s degree from Yale, surrounded herself with a panoply of exotic instruments. I took a percussion class in college yet couldn’t begin to name all that she played. 

The art of musical improvisation requires a mutuality, a confidence in the other musician that goes beyond words. That unspoken trust was apparent from the opening sounds and only intensified as the music continued. After some twenty minutes, the musicians took a breather. Yoshinaga announced that her child, not quite one year old, was in the audience with her husband. She would sing a song the baby particularly likes — not a lullaby but “My Grandfather’s Clock.” The song, composed in 1876, became popular in Japan in the 1960s as part of a children’s TV show. She sang softly, barely audible, accompanied only by a quiet rhythm instrument. When she completed the first round of the song, the cello joined, hushed and gentle.

That’s when the baby began to cry. Not a wail. Neither a coo. Something in-between. Something, oh, longing. 

Ordinarily, an audience of mostly white-haired classical music lovers, might have stiffened with irritation. But in this moment, a silent sigh rippled through the hall, a soft murmur of joy.  Baltacigil stopped his bow, signaling Yoshinaga to continue singing. The babe gave a few more cries, the kind you hear when an infant is winding down, reassured by a gently rocking embrace. Eventually the music again got lively. The baby was silent, sleeping perhaps, even through boisterous applause when the performance ended.

When I got home, I discovered I’d missed a call from a friend in Wisconsin. Mother of three young children, she wanted my perspective on events, especially in Minneapolis. What is happening there is too close to my heart. I have no perspective. What I want to say to her is, hug your children. Hold them close. Sing to them.

Some Things Endure: Like Joy

Every once in a while, to borrow from C.S. Lewis, I’m surprised by joy.

Saturday morning another Horizon House resident and I attended the GSBA (Greater Seattle Business Association) “Scholars Celebration.” My companion and I were representing Horizon House’s Community Relations and Diversity Committee. DEI is alive and well in our retirement community. 

EMCEE FULLY IN COMMAND OF JOY

GSBA lays claim to being the nation’s largest LGBTQ+ chamber of commerce. Counting affiliates, there are more than 1,300 members. Given our national emotional chaos, I anticipated a crowd of fearful, angry people. Surprise! The emcee — a flamboyant and outrageously funny drag queen — set the tone. We were a crowd diverse in age, ethnicity and sundry other varieties, but uniformly joyful.

The program highlighted GSBA’s impressive record of handing out scholarships: $7 million during thirty-four years of operation. Of six hundred or so recipients, 49 percent lived with a disability, 51 percent had experienced housing insecurity, 45 percent are from rural areas, and 49 percent are first generation college students. Their graduation rate exceeds the national average.

It’s not just about the numbers. This year’s graduates lined up before us and told us their post-college plans. All of them will make impressive contributions. One of the grads was chosen to tell her story. Older than the average college student and a single mom with an autistic son, she was determined to be the first in her family to attend college. She said she repeatedly bumped into closed doors, “no” after “no,” until she found GBSA’s program and finally heard a “yes.” GBSA scholars not only receive financial assistance, but ongoing encouragement and emotional support. Armed with her bachelor’s degree, this mom is headed to graduate school and a career in public health policy. Sounds dry? Our country desperately needs intelligent, dedicated people setting health care policy. When she finished speaking, there may have been a few dry eyes in the room, but there were none at our table.

Only one GSBA leader briefly addressed the current political situation, not naming names but referring to “that little weasel.” Nonetheless, she said, “They can’t take our joy away.”

I was reminded of Jesus calling Herod “that fox.” In both cases, I think the critters were maligned. Weasels and foxes simply live as they were created to live. We humans manufacture our own brand of meanness and evil. 

We’re also responsible for nurturing our joy, which is not the same as happiness. Happiness comes and goes. Joy is a state of being.

I haven’t written in this space since the new administration took over. I’ve been too dumbstruck. Besides, there’s been a torrent of words: in print, online, over the air. More than enough analyses, assessments, judgments and predictions. One commentator’s observation stuck with me: “If you think you know what’s going to happen in the future, you’re wrong.” Absorbing what is happening in the present is agitating enough.

Last weekend I sat at a friend’s kitchen table while she put felt marker to butcher paper, fashioning a protest sign for a demonstration she would attend that afternoon. She wanted a pithy but meaningful statement. I don’t recall what she ended up with, but I finally have the six words that will help me navigate this challenging time: “They can’t take our joy away.”